Are you out of control?

THE DRAIN: The Bully Factor

Having to deal with the mean girls (and boys) on your unit, disrespectful physicians or patients who act out can deplete your self-control faster than you can say, “Pass me another cookie.” It takes self-restraint to rise above insults, avoid a biting retort and stay in control in the face of outlandish behavior.

RESTORE: Practice Self-Compassion, Too

Here’s another example of the power of compassion. When directed inward, it can protect your self-image from the slings and arrows of others and build the emotional resiliency that every nurse needs. In a nutshell, that means “treating yourself with the same type of kind, caring support and understanding that you would show to anyone you loved,” says Kristin Neff, PhD, author of Self-Compassion. It’s not that practicing self-compassion immunizes you from feeling hurt; it just allows you to move on more easily.

Research has shown that people who practice self-compassion are less likely to react negatively when they are criticized, are better able to handle setbacks when their goal-pursuit goes off-course and are generally happier. “It doesn’t just make you feel good; it makes you act in healthier ways,” says Neff. The self-compassionate “exercise more for intrinsic reasons, they can stick to their diets, they go to the doctor more often, they practice safer sex.” So, learn to love yourself, and instead of beating yourself up for slips in self-control, remember we all make mistakes and give yourself a break.

THE DRAIN:Lack of Direction

Maybe you bought into The Secret—the mega best seller based on the idea that positive thinking makes wishes come true (you mean envisioning a new Mercedes hasn’t landed one in your driveway?). Or maybe you have a bucket list, but you haven’t checked off a single item. The fact of the matter is that your goal will remain unfulfilled until you scrutinize why it’s important and put a real, well-thought-out plan into place.

RESTORE:Map Your Way to Success

To find your way to someplace unfamiliar, you turn on your GPS, it pinpoints where you are, you type in your destination and voilà—it maps the route. The same principle applies for goal setting, though there’s no “voilà.” You need a starting point, a destination and a very thoughtfully planned roadmap. Merely envisioning the life you want—picturing yourself three sizes smaller, getting your master’s degree or living happily ever after with the mate of your dreams—will remain pure fantasy unless you know how to get from here to there, says Piers Steel, PhD, author of The Procrastination Equation.

That’s where mental contrasting comes in: an exercise where you compare your life as you’d like it to be with your present reality. If your goal is to get in shape, then you’d visualize yourself fit, full of energy, looking and feeling better than ever. That’s the destination. Next, you’d measure it against your present state: You can’t run up two flights of stairs without getting winded, you’re always tired, you eat on the run and you’re too stressed to think about your stress level. According to numerous studies, mental contrasting primes you to develop plans that’ll help you reach your destination/goal.

THE DRAIN: Temptation, Temptation…

Maybe you’re a chocoholic and your nurse’s station has enough confections to induce a diabetic coma. Or maybe regular Friday nights at your favorite Mexican restaurant where the margaritas and nachos are irresistible is something you look forward to all week long. No matter what lights up the reward center of your brain, to win the mental tug-of-war with temptation, you need to build up what psychologists call “distress tolerance,” which means getting comfortable with uncomfortable feelings.

RESTORE: Surf the Urge

When trying to quit cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, fast food or some other ingrained habit, cravings can come crashing over you like a rogue wave. But through visualization and breathing techniques, dieters, addicts and smokers have learned to ride the urge, without it leading to a goal-defeating wipeout. When cravings hit, they envision a wave, and rather than run from it, they surf the urge. Eventually, like a wave crashing to shore, the craving passes. Research has shown that trying to suppress a craving actually feeds the urge. This technique teaches people how to feel the urge without fighting or feeding it. When you recognize your own power to resist cravings, they will soon become less frequent.

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