Are you out of control?

THE DRAIN: Dealing with Death and Dying

Nurses face constant reminders that death can strike anyone at anytime, and that can trigger a free-floating sense of discomfort, which in turn drains self-control. “Whenever we are reminded of our mortality, it triggers a panic response in the brain,” says Kelly McGonigal, PhD. In her book The Willpower Instinct, the Stanford professor notes, “Even when it’s outside our conscious awareness, this terror creates an immediate need to …reach for whatever makes us feel safe, powerful or comforted.” That can mean polishing off a pint of rocky road, binging on clothes you can’t afford or whiling a weekend away watching a whole season of Army Wives.

RESTORE: Practice Mindful Meditation

One way to regroup is to practice mindfulness, which has been shown to buffer stress, improve focus, strengthen self-control and increase happiness. A recent study suggests some willpower-boosting effects are immediate. One east way to practice mindfulness is to sit comfortably and focus on your breath. Tune in to the natural rhythm and feel the bodily sensations as you breathe in and out. As your mind wanders, don’t judge or try to eliminate your thoughts, just direct your attention back to the breath and relax. Start with a one-minute meditation and build from there. It sounds simple, it is simple—but it works.

THE DRAIN: Vicarious Suffering

Your friend stubs her toe, you wince—those are your mirror neurons registering the pain she’s feeling. Imagine, then, the impact of being on the front lines of pain and suffering day in and day out—no wonder nurses are so often depleted of energy and willpower, and are drained physically, mentally and spiritually. Commonly called “compassion fatigue,” more accurate term might be “empathy fatigue.”

RESTORE: Buffer Empathy with Compassion

While empathy alone causes you to soak up another’s pain, activating compassion—generating heartfelt feelings of love and kindness, like those you experience when holding your newborn, for example—may buffer you from the negative effects of suffering. Try to visualize breathing compassion in and out, and as you do, direct thoughts of loving kindness—first toward yourself, then toward the other person—with phrases like “May you be free from suffering.” With practice, compassionate meditation can activate the pleasure centers of the brain.

An experiment with Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard demonstrates the difference between a purely empathetic response and a compassionate one. While undergoing functional MRI imaging, Ricard focused on the suffering of orphans in Romania, children so weak that just moving could break their bones. For two hours he resonated with the pain by empathizing. The exercise lit up parts of the brain that register fear, distress and pain. “It was unbearable,” Ricard told one interviewer. But when the monk added a compassion component in the form of a loving-kindness meditation, the experience was completely different and the difference showed in the brain. “It felt like every atom of suffering was gone.”

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