A nurse explores some hilarious home remedies

Warm weather. Most of us love it. Some of us are plagued with allergies, bug bites, bee stings, sunburns, and all the other joys that being outside in lovely weather bring with it.

Just the other day at work I was involved in a conversation with fellow coworkers about holistic remedies for everyday warm weather woes. Sure, I took note of some of them and will be sure to invest future efforts towards making Mollie’s deceased grandmother’s sworn natural deodorant, but I also snickered at most recommendations. I tend to favor non-medicinal treatment of ailments in some cases, and I actually find alternative medicine quite intriguing.

Thus, spawned by the discussion held at work combined with my already investigative nature, I did a little research on what people have actually claimed as home remedies for common ailments. Perhaps you will find some of these as useful, or perhaps you will read this post and get a good abdominal workout from laughter. Either way, enjoy. (Disclaimer: I am not a holistic medicine doctor, nor do I have MD behind my name at all. I have read reports of people trying these techniques, have not tried them myself, and probably do not recommend most of them due to safety/stupidity reasons. So please, read them, laugh at them, and take them with a grain of salt.)

Got a nagging ailment? Who needs a doctor when you can treat it from home…

Headache 1)  Cut a potato (uncooked) in half and rub it on your forehead.  2) Pound your head with a hammer.  3) Have someone come up behind you, grab your hair in a fist, and pull up as hard as they can- used most effectively for migraines.

Bleeding cuts Gather up a collection of spider webs and vigorously pack the wound with them. It will surely stop the bleeding. Another use of spider webs? If you find yourself coming home from Africa with malaria, chew them up and swallow them.

Joint/knee pain We have all heard of magnet therapy for joint pain which has some physiologic truth behind it because the magnets supposedly attract the iron-ridden red blood cells to the area for increased healing. However, people have gone to the extreme of drinking metal compounds (silver) for severe pain. NOT RECOMMENDED. This can lead to seizures, kidney damage and many other ailments worse than the original. Another suggestion to treat knee pain? Sleep with a bar of soap under your knee- one guy even said it had to be a specific brand or he wouldn’t bother.

Toenail fungus Soak your toes in Listerine. The next time you go to swish your mouth with Listerine, I know you’ll be encouraged…

Too much ear wax The latest trend to extract ear wax has been those ear candles where you light one end of a hollow stick and seal the unlit end to your ear, in hopes of sucking out the ear wax. This is actually dangerous to your ear because the creation of the vacuum in the tube can rupture your eardrum. Alternative? Put olive oil in your ear instead. It breaks up the wax and allows it to run out. Yum.

Bad case of the runs Drink a packet of powder jello and chase it down with a cup of hot water. This concoction will “stick” to your intestines and slow the process down.

Bug bites Sit in a tub full of vinegar. You will probably ward off bugs and people for a while after that endeavor.

Jellyfish sting I have heard many reports claiming that if you get stung, get out of the water immediately, track down a person (preferably somebody that you know, so it doesn’t get awkward) and have them pee on you where the sting was. Have yet to try this one out, hope to never have to.

Halitosis Case of the bad breath? Try chewing up coffee beans. I’m guessing this only works if the people who are smelling your breath enjoy the smell of coffee.

Severe sunburn Mix together a combination of yellow mustard and, wait for it, vagisil. Could possibly be the most hilarious remedy that I found. Next sunburn, you know what I’m doing…

Warts Cover them with duct tape. Change out the duct tape every couple of days. I’ve actually heard of this working because you are depriving the wart of oxygen, thereby killing the virus.

Hiccups We have all heard our grandmothers telling us to eat a spoonful of sugar to get rid of the hiccups. But there is some truth behind such a tale. To rid yourself of hiccups, you have to distract the vagus nerve. Downing a spoonful of sugar overloads the nerve endings in the hopes of distracting and ending that reflex.

Nausea/motion sickness Suck a lemon. Although you may make a terrible face, lemon juice actually helps to evaporate excessive saliva that is associated with feeling nauseous, and may help to settle your stomach.

Stuttering child (prepare yourself, this is bad)  A technique used in ancient Chinese practice to stop a child from stuttering was to smack him/her in the face multiple times on a cloudy day.

Body odor Try Milk of Magnesia as a natural body deodorant.

Yeast infection Yes, we have heard that we should increase our oral intake of plain yogurt to add some healthy normal flora to our bodies. But I read reports claiming that just as effective as Monistat is actually inserting a tablespoon of plain yogurt, um, down there. I will never look at yogurt the same.

Any other home remedies to share? Share the wealth.