By 5. If nurses managed the CCU…
Finally, we’ll swing by the CCU, my stomping grounds. You’ll note that here, as on every other unit, there are enough nurses for safe and effective patient care. What isn’t as immediately obvious is that we’ve changed the alarm system: Instead of beeps and boops, ventilators now play a selection of David Bowie and the Beatles to indicate over- and under-pressure. IV pumps alarm with a pleasant chime based on English church bells. Noncritical cardiac alarms are still beeps, but critical cardiac alarms are signaled by a rotating selection of annoying pop tunes. Ke$ha is first on the list, followed by “A Horse With No Name” and “Take a Letter, Maria.”
This concludes our tour of Imagination Land’s first all-nurse-run hospital. I hope you’ve enjoyed it. You won’t have a hard time leaving; all our signs have been replaced with easier-to-read, backlit ones, and parking is free.
