What have I gotten myself into?

I have written in the past about what I was looking for in the performance of nurses that I hire.  About how making an impression is what is most important.  Nurses that are struggling to do well but are really working hard will get my support 100%.  But as soon as I see they are not trying anymore, I am ready to let them go.

I have not made a secret of the fact that I am not happy with my new job.  It is not for me.  I am not sure what it is, but I know now that I am not a clinic nurse.  Not because I think I am better, but because I am not there.  These nurses there are amazing.  Their knowledge and critical thinking is out of this world.

I think my dissatisfaction with this job is really starting to show to my new boss.  I have been talked to a couple of times about my performance.  And when I walk back to my work station, I know I need to step it up, and work to my real potential, but I just can’t do it.  I don’t know why, it’s all in my head.

I know what I need to do.  I know that my performance is showing that I am not trying.  And….I really want to do well.  I really want to be successful.  But the fact that I know I am not cut out for this type of nursing just keeps getting in the way.

It is Saturday now.  I have this weekend to get my head straight and either step it up, or move on.  If I am not going to step it up, I am just wasting my time and the organizations time.

Any suggestions are appreciated.