By STRESS LESS
Have a Girls’ Night Out: Just as the fight-or-flight response is an evolutionary throw-back, women may be hardwired to “tend and befriend” in times of stress. Back in our hunter-gatherer days, when danger loomed, men went for their weapons or hightailed it to safety. But researchers theorize that women would collect and comfort their children and gather their friends, a strength-in-numbers approach to adversity. Today when stress strikes, the body releases a cascade of hormones, including oxytocin, which in women, elicits an urge to connect. When a woman responds to stress by say, a dinner with friends, studies suggest that she is further buffeting herself from stress by the release of even more oxytocin, producing a calming effect. Which explains how Girls’ Night Out can counteract the effects of a terrible day and leave you feeling energized.
Nursing Friendships
Looking for a way to be happier–or at least better able to hand stress–at work? A study published in the American Journal of Public Health, found that workers who felt they had colleagues they could lean on, were better able to handle job stress and far less likely to suffer from major depression than those without supportive co-workers. So work at making friends at work.
Vanquish Energy Vampires
Do you have a friend, relative, or coworker who drags you down with negativity, and leaves you feeling angry, deflated, somehow incomplete, and nearly always drained of energy? Is your relationship both unsupportive and unrewarding? Energy Vampires can be categorized by subgroup. Any sound familiar?
- The Boundary Crosser: There’s no end to the favors he will ask or the time he’ll take up or the lines he will cross to get what he wants. Don’t expect much in return.
- The Drama Queen. Every situation is a crisis, every encounter another opportunity to replay the tragedy of the day.
- The Blamer-Victim: Blames first, asks questions later or he’s the victim of circumstances. Either way, his life’s troubles are always someone else’s fault. The responsibility for everything—including his actions—lie elsewhere. Constantly complains and expects you to listen. Endlessly.
- The Downer: You tell her your child has been having headaches and she tells you about her friend’s niece who died of a brain tumor. She’s annoying as hell, and you’re drained by the negative energy.
If the people you spend the most time with are sucking you dry, there’s no supplement, food, or exercise in the world that’s going to give you that lost energy back. If the friendship is worth saving or there’s a good reason you can’t sever ties (you’re related), then reset the boundaries of your relationship.
It doesn’t have to be a difficult and uncomfortable conversation. In fact, you may be able to do it just by rethinking what you will and won’t put up with. At the same time, cultivate healthier relationships. Learn to say no and to enjoy time alone. If, after assessing the relationship in question, you realize it will never be anything but an energy drain, then it’s time vanquish the vampires.
