Those two little letters

After ritually checking the California Board of Registered Nursing site nearly every hour since I took the test, and seeing no result, I felt defeated. Granted, it had only been a few days, but with so much going on at work over the weekend, I really thought it would have popped up while I was there, at work, with my future in reach; there to celebrate with all my coworkers. But it wasn’t there.

So when I rolled over in bed at 8:35 Tuesday morning, I looked at my phone and put it down. Then thought, “should I check?” then, “why bother?” then, “just do it,” then “what’s the point?”  These thoughts all converged into the three or four seconds it took me to bring up the BRN site from my phone’s ‘history’ button.  I typed in my name and waited… falling back to sleep, almost like a defense against the disappointment I was sure would be waiting for me.

And then there it was. My name, followed by those two letters, “RN.” I did a double take – but even my middle name was there, it couldn’t be a mistake! I PASSED! And then I squeaked really loudly…not sure what to do next.  Within the next few seconds it was like the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. I made phone calls to my family, as they were all praying for me daily, and waiting to hear the news.

I spent the day celebrating with myself, finally letting myself read and enjoy a novel, sitting at Barnes and Nobel without having to pass through the Nursing Books section (even though I passed through just to look at what I didn’t have to look at anymore!). I let myself enjoy summer vacation for the first time in the month since graduation.  I let myself daydream about the job I start in September. And for the first time in a while, I finally felt like I knew what I was doing in life, and that I finally had control of it again. All because of those two little letters after my name.