The funniest reader quotes of 2011

From our Facebook pages…

The person who wants to visit a patient, but doesn’t “know their real name.” Um, I think it’s “Pookie.”
—Donna M. Traub on Top 10 worst hospital visitors

Usually when I get a new pair of shoes for work, they end up getting some sort of BF on them, usually from the lower GI tract. It’s been this way for more than 20 years, although this last pair was spared the humiliation, so perhaps my “luck” is turning around!
—Rita Revell on What’s your nurse curse?

I was trying to do an assessment on a patient, and overheard a wife in the next cubicle answering for her husband with “No…” then going on and on about her own ailments. Had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing when she talked about her “prostrate” problems…LOL!
—Gail Cory-Betz on 10 things to NEVER say to a nurse

I do rural home health and am not above peeing in the woods with the bears!
—Kathryn Pfremmer Hawkins on Nurse Confessions! Part IV

I work night shift on a med tele unit…lots of sundowning elderly admitted, so most nights the phrase is “Where are you going and why are you naked?”
—Nichole Houston on Top 10 phrases that nurses say most

Low riders…we call them “crack pants” because your crack always hangs out when ya have to get to the bottom drawers in the Pyxis!
—Mariah Harmon on 7 scrubs wardrobe malfunctions you can fix today

We always said our day should start with a coffee IV and a Foley to get us through the day! And it isn’t normal to know the various types of diarrhea by smell!
—Donna Hayes on Top 10 reasons you KNOW you’re a nurse

My favorite is standing in a checkout line and assessing people’s hand/arm veins, deciding who’s anemic, looking at people’s nail beds, noting their morbid obesity and dreading that bed bath if they were vented, and who’s the psych case. It’s more fun than reading The Star! But basically we are our own unique, very special type of neurotic. And we ARE the best!!
—Todd Bates on A nurse’s subconscious mind

# 4. “When will the doctor be here?”
# 3. “Are you my nurse?”
# 2. “Sorry to bother you, but can you fix the TV?”
And my #1 favorite is: “I just went to the bathroom—do you want to see it?”
—Melissa Sundock Strane on You know you’re a nurse when all you hear is…