The big test – the NCLEX

Okay, I know I’ve been posting non-stop about the NCLEX, but when you finally graduate and get to it, it will be all you think about too. And for that I am very sorry.
I did it. It was tough, it was crazy, and getting there felt a little like being in prison…seriously.  But I did it.  I was photographed, had both my palmar veins scanned (I guess a fingerprint isn’t unique enough anymore!), and I left everything in a small, very hard to open locker. All you get is your ID and your locker key. I had my veins scanned again, and my ID checked and triple checked (it felt like when the people at bars/restuarants look at my ID and don’t actually believe that I am 24, because I look like I’m 17, and look even younger in my picture!). And when it finally came time to start, I was escorted in… said my final prayers and got started.

I kept telling myself that it would be over after 75 questions. I am still not sure that this was a good idea. It did help me take my time – because I knew it wouldn’t take 6 hours to get there.  But at the same time, I got to about question 60 and realized that the test doesn’t always stop at 75. It was then that I realized the questions were particularly difficult, and very random.  I started panicking, thinking I’d spent almost 2 hours just barely making it to that magic number… and I braced myself. I knew that if the questions kept on and went to 76, I was going to have to take a break to keep from hyperventilating.  There I was question 73…74…75….

And then blue. I think that was the biggest relief of all, just knowing that I didn’t have to stay there any longer. I was done. I was free.

Free, at least, until my brain caught up with me and I over-analyzed everything. Within 30 minutes of finishing the NCLEX I went into depression and convinced myself that I’d failed miserably and that I was royally a nursing school failure.

I’ve recovered a bit now, but still bummin’ about it. It was tough. I keep trying to persevere and think positive, but I am trying to be realistic too.  I just keep checking that BRN site…waiting and waiting…