Categories: Scrubs

Nursing comebacks I wish I could say

Them (about something not too out of the way, or even very serious): “My doctor said that this was the worst case of Whatever he’d ever seen.”

Me: “That’s terrible. You know, your doctor lost a patient last week to a mild case of Whatever.”

Them: “Mrs. Name-Drop, a prominent donor to your hospital, is a dear, dear friend of mine.”

Me (without inflection): “How nice for you.”

Them (while playing Candy Crush and eating Cheetos): “My pain is a 12 out of 10.”

Me (sympathetically): “That’s too bad. I can’t do anything for 12 out of 10 pain; my medicines only work up to 10 out of 10.”

Them: “You nurses just enjoy hurting people.”

Me: “And what makes it even better is that we get paid for it!”

Them: “You’re not doing that [simple, common procedure] right! That’s not right!”

Me (doing procedure correctly): “I had no idea you’re a nurse, too! Where did you graduate from?”

Them (a morbidly obese, multiple-amputee patient with an A1C of 12): “Whatever it is you’re doing right now is wrong and bad, and I’m going to report you to the authorities and my lawyer.”

Me (at the end of my rope): “So when, exactly, did you start to care so much about your health?”

Page: 1 2

Agatha Lellis

Agatha Lellis is a nurse whose coffee is brought to her every morning by a chipmunk. Bluebirds help her to dress, and small woodland creatures sing her to sleep each night. She writes a monthly advice column, "Ask Aunt Agatha," here on Scrubs; you can send her questions to be answered at askauntieaggie@gmail.com.

Recent Posts

Glaucoma Treatment Options: A detailed look at the various treatment options available for managing glaucoma

Safeguarding vision means understanding glaucoma and treatment choices. Glaucoma is a serious eye condition that…

1 year ago

DNP or PhD? A Guide For Nurses Considering Further Study

Are you a practicing nurse? It's a rewarding career, even with the associated stress and…

1 year ago

Common Myths About Medical Assistants

Medical assistants are crucial in healthcare settings, serving as the backbone of clinical operations. They’re…

1 year ago

4 Ways to Accessorize While on Duty

While bedside manner and knowledge are equally important for nurses, there's one other surprising factor…

1 year ago

Time Management in Nursing: Tips & Skills for Nurses

Whether you're a seasoned nurse or a new grad joining the fray, you'll find golden…

1 year ago

Unlocking the Future: Exploring Top Online RN to BSN Programs

In the fast-paced healthcare industry, nurses are the unsung heroes. They provide care, compassion, and…

1 year ago