Funny nurse-to-patient miscommunications

ThinkStock | Victor Martello | Ferlistockphoto

We’ve all had patients who have mixed up our instructions. Here are 10 of the funniest miscommunications sent to us from our Funny Nurses page!

1. The ol’ yogurt for the yeast infection? Um, yeah…you were supposed to EAT it.

2. The father who calls from work about “the pink stuff” (amoxicillin). Isn’t it a little too thick to go through the nebulizer? Shouldn’t it be watered down?

3. The elderly lady who couldn’t understand why her husband needed medication for high blood pressure as well as low blood pressure. Turns out the “low pressure” for his low blood pressure was Lopressor!

4. The diabetic who was trained to administer insulin using an orange. When a nurse later discussed meds with the patient, the patient stated he was getting tired of oranges and wanted to know what other food he could inject and eat.

5. In the ER, a patient was asked, “Are you sexually active?” Response: “You mean I just lie there or what?”

6. A gentleman who was getting chemo had to have a 24-hour urine done with each cycle. He was given his “jug,” at which point he stated, “I just can’t do this again. I can’t stay up all night waiting to pee!”

7. The patient who repeated over the phone to various family members: “They’re putting a light up my privates to look at my heart.” She was talking about her heart ablation!

8. A patient who spoke poor English arrived in Labor and Delivery and said, “I’m here for my scheduled seduction”!!!

9. The patient who is in the bathroom a tad too long and finally comes out about 20 minutes later to hand you a cup of sperm. Be sure to specify what kind of specimen you want.

10. A patient returned to the ER because his fever wasn’t going down. When we asked about the suppository, he told us he didn’t know he was supposed to take it out of the foil wrapper.