The first thing I would do if I were elected president

In this day and age, when our health is constantly in question and even in jeopardy, every little thing counts. As nurses, we have a much greater appreciation for these little things, because we actually know just how important they are.

I have a theory about the state of our nation’s health: I think if we all took a mandatory introduction to microbiology course, we would lead healthier lives. If I were the leader of the free world, in fact, (just call me President Nurse!), the first thing I would do (okay, maybe not the very first thing) is make microbiology mandatory for all!

Don’t laugh. It wouldn’t necessarily have to be a labor-intensive course, but all of the major concepts should be covered. I firmly believe everyone would think twice about everything they do (and don’t do) when it comes to hygiene and simple cleanliness.

If our nation had a better grasp of vector transmission, we could see a drastic, if not epidemic-like, decline in the common cold. That pesky rhinovirus would have a tough time surviving.

Citizens of the United States of America would rejoice at catching fewer colds and dodging the annual influenza! Don’t tell me you don’t think that would go down in history books!

If we all took this mandatory microbiology course, here’s what would happen:

• We would stop making doors that require you to pull the door handle to exit the bathroom!
• We would wash our hands almost incessantly, as opposed to not remembering the last time we washed.
• We would sneeze into a covered sleeve and not our hands!
• We would cough into a covered sleeve instead of our hands.
• We would demand properly supplied bathroom toiletries and hand cleansing solutions — even if that means having waterless hand sanitizers.
• We would think twice about handling money and then eating with our bare hands!

These are just a few of the things we take for granted.

Okay, okay…

I will admit this mandatory education just might backfire, causing a nationwide panic and turning everyone into hypochondriacs, but I’m willing to take the risk.

What do you think? Am I onto something? Or am I just another overly paranoid nurse?