A nurse’s top 10 list of “Kid-isms”

True to the claims of the old TV show “Kids Say the Darndest Things,” surround yourself by children each and every workday and that statement becomes not only true but very endearing.

It would be an unusual occurrence for me to end my workday without a funny/cute/smile-provoking story about one of my patients, whether it be something they said or did that day. The part I love most about my job as a pediatric nurse is the fact that although these children are in the hospital, they are still children with incredible imaginations and no circumstance can take that away from them.

In an effort to more clearly remember and appreciate some of these stories that stick out the most, I began documenting some of the one-liners from my patients. Please enjoy my top ten list of  “Kid-isms,” all credit given to precious hospitalized children.

1. A young boy with a PICC line for IV therapy permanently renamed this device his “pink line.”

2. Post IV insertion on a five year-old girl: “how will you keep my insides from leaking now that the needle is in me?”

3. “What kind of scissors do they use to cut me open? You think they are purple like the ones I use at school?”

4. I found this scribbled note at the bedside of a patient waiting on a heart transplant around the holidays. Dear Santa, please mail me a heart so another kid does not have to die to give me theirs.

5. An eight year-old patient excitedly ran up to show me his autographed “hockey puff” that he received downstairs in the lobby when the Thrashers came to visit.

6. A young girl with eyes wide open greeted me when I entered the room with, “You are the charge nurse? I’m so glad you came, the batteries in my daddy’s camera just ran out, can you charge them?”

7. Quote (no lie) from a very jovial and very enthusiastic patient in his cute country twang: “I’m going to give you a terminate wedgie.” Although I questioned on multiple occasions if he meant permanent, he would always reply with, “much worse than permanent, a terminate one.”

8. One of our patient’s brothers was admitted to the hospital and transferred to our floor out of convenience for the family. When our patient found out his brother was coming, he responded with “he is just jealous because I get treated like a king here.”

9. And sometimes they can make you blush without meaning to. “You aren’t married? Why don’t you just marry one of these doctors? They make a lot of money.” Right in front of the rounding MD team, nonetheless.

10. “If you show me your scar I’ll show you mine…”