Hilarious nursing terminology “definitions”

You might be a medical professional (or a redneck) if you have your own language that only can be appreciated and understood by a fellow medical professional (or redneck)!

This includes creating your own false pseudo-terminology from other terminology that didn’t make sense in the first place…

Hilarious nursing terminology “definitions”

Artery
The study of fine paintings

Barium
What you do when CPR fails

Cafe’-au-lait spot 
A great little coffee shop

Cesarean Section
A district in Rome

Cilia    
A girl’s name

Colic          
A sheep dog

Coma   
A punctuation mark

Congenital  
Friendly

Dilate  
To live long

Fascia
A Nazi communist

GI Series  
Baseball games between teams of soldiers

Hangnail
A coat hook

Medical Staff
A doctor’s cane

Minor Operation
Coal digging

Morbid  
A higher offer

Nitrate
Lower than the day rate

Node     
Was aware of

Organic
Church musician

Outpatient
A person who has fainted

Protein  
In favor of young people

Secretion
Hiding anything

Tumor
An extra pair

Urine
Opposite of “you’re out”

Varicose Veins
Veins that are very close together

I think I now know where the phrase “laughter is the best medicine” originated from! What would you add to the list?!

Disclosure statement: I’ve picked up these terms along the way over the past year or so. The original sources are not credited since I’ve overheard or read online most of them.