“Alive, happy and not poopie”: Nurses describe their ideal patients

You know those patients you get who start out like:

And five minutes later they’re like:

Yep, the struggle is real.

We asked the nurses on our Funny Nurses Facebook page to describe their ideal patient and we received responses ranging from tongue-in-cheek to heartfelt. Read on for a few good laughs and “awww” moments.

“Alert and oriented, independent with ADLs and discharged!” —Alice O.

“A patient whose family aren’t a bunch of neurotic nut jobs….” —Tina H.

“The moment you hear in handover ‘independent and continent,’ you do a little dance in your head. Then when you realize they’re alert, awake and quiet, you feel like you won the lottery.” —Olinda K.

“Anyone who needs help or healing.” —Quincy M.

“Understanding, communicating team player with realistic expectations.” —Geoffrey S.

“A patient who still manage to smile even in pain.” —Babylyn A.

“Alive, happy and not poopie.” —Amanda N.

“Anyone who needs the healing hands of a nurse.” —Jennifer A.

“Intubated, sedated, foley and central line!!!” —Barbara C.

“My ideal patient is my current private home care patient. This lady and her entire family, for that matter, are incredibly sweet and easygoing. I’d love for her to have a little more flexibility in legs for ease of brief change, but it’s doable.” —Valerie A.

“Committed to a healthy life.” —Diane K.

“I like a challenge, but with an understanding, attentive family.” —Dani S.

“A patient who is appreciative and thankful for the care you give them, and when they express that to me, it really makes my day! 🙂” —Cheryl C.

“Truly interested in improving their health or content with life coming to an end. My compassion goes to both extremes.” —Diane S.

“Alert, oriented, pleasant. DOESN’T RING CALL BELL MORE THAN ONCE!” —Kristina J.

How would you describe your ideal patient? Drop your response in a comment below!