By It’s been a hard week for the Nurses at the Houston Methodist Hospital. It became the first health network in the country to mandate COVID-19 vaccinations for all staff members, but a group of nurses has been pushing back against the requirement. They’ve been collecting signatures and attracting anti-vaxxers to their cause, but the hospital has the final say. This week, dozens of nurses said goodbye to the health network with plenty of lingering resentment to go around.
One nurse however, finally caved and took her shot.
“I wanna stay anonymous. I don’t want all the Karen nurses from this group coming at me because I finally decided to trust science,” one nurse told Scrubs Magazine last week. However, since taking the vaccine, things haven’t exactly gone according to plan.
This nurse, who we’ll call “Linda”, started developing aggressive tendencies. Her husband talked to Scrubs Magazine from here on out, since we haven’t been able to get a wise word out of her since our first encounter! “She started to get aggressive ever since she took that vaccine. I told her not to do it. The same night she started getting tired with a headache. I knew that was it from there. Once the headache starts, it was either those nanobots or some kind of zombie takeover,” her husband lamented, as tears ran down his cheeks.
“I knew something was wrong when she wasn’t cheering on Fox News anymore”.
Later that evening, like most vaccinated people, Linda started to develop an even more severe headache and a fever. It was around dinner time that the onset of aggression started. After eating her chicken dinner, complemented by peas and carrots, Linda started grinding on the actual chicken bones. “Her eyes started to become bloodshot and she started shouting at the kids. Nothing unusual there I thought, but then she started eating the chicken bones off the plate.”
Steve (Linda’s hubby) took Linda to watch some television after their meal. “I gave her some Tylenol and ibuprofen to reduce her temperature, and her temperament. I noticed fidgeting and a lot of Linda gnawing at her own ass. Again, nothing unusual, but I knew something was definitely wrong when she wasn’t cheering at Fox News anymore”.
As the night wore on, Linda’s condition got worse. Steve called 911 and the operator confirmed the worst: Linda was becoming a Zombie from the vaccine. Here we pulled a transcript of the 911 call:
“911 what’s your emergency?”
“There’s something wrong with my wife, she’s threatening to kill me and has been super aggressive today.”
“Did she by chance get the Pfizer vaccine earlier?”
“Yes, why?”
“Sir, does your wife have bloodshot eyes and has she been gnawing at herself?”
“More than usual yes”
“Sir, I’m afraid your wife might be becoming a Zombie. Tie her to the bed until we get there.”
Unfortunately, Linda’s condition became worse, and she is now sedated at the very hospital she was petitioning at. For a brief moment, Linda was able to mutter human words:
“I knew I shouldn’t have got that f*cking vaccine”.
The irony.
Scrubs Magazine is following this story.
