Hilarious nursing terminology “definitions” part II

Ron Chapple Studios, ThinkStock

I thought I’d continue on with more false pseudo-terminology (from terminology that didn’t make sense in the first place!) that only those in health care can understand and appreciate. Feel free to refer to and laugh at the first part of this list here.

Hilarious nursing terminology “definitions” part II:

Acute lead poisoning [a•cute lead poi•son•ing noun]
Gunshot wound

Axis [ax•is verb]
A question, as in “He always axis me what I want for my birthday.”

BiPAP [bi•pap interjection]
“See you later, Dad!” in English

Biology [bi•ol•o•gy noun]
Shopping

CPAP [c•pap interjection]
“Yes, Dad!” in Spanish

Fibrillate [fib•rill•ate verb]
To tell lies

Ganglion [gang•li•on noun]
Mascot of a group of troublemakers

Histology [hist•ol•o•gy noun]
When you’re booed

Ketone bodies [ket•tone bod•ies noun]
Really fit people with high potassium levels

Lactose [lac•tose noun]
Person without digits on the foot

Mast cell [mast cell noun]
A jail on a boat

Rectum [rect•um verb]
Nearly killed ‘em

Reflex [re•flex verb]
Flexing a muscle repeatedly

Sternotomy [stern•ot•o•my noun]
A teacher who is really mad at me

Subarachnoid [sub•a•rach•noid adjective]
Under spiders

Vein [vein adjective]
Conceited

Care to add anymore? Always keep them laughing, folks!

Disclosure statement: I’ve picked up these terms along the way over the years. The original sources are not credited since I’ve overheard or read most of them online.