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50 Top Crazy Nursing Moments Revealed

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  • “Patient points to a pile of what I thought were crumbs on his bedside table and says, ‘Look at this! A doctor needs to see this.’ I ask, ‘See what?’ He says, ‘My boogers! Look at all of them! I picked all this in the last half hour. Get me a dime bag so I can save these for my records!’”
  • “Two confused patients in a bay together. Left them playing cards with the hospital volunteer, came back to one shaving the other’s head. Volunteer just watching.”
  • “Shouting for the police in the middle of the night for her missing leg; patient with dementia keeps forgetting about her amputated leg (more than 10 years ago).”
  • “Lady with dementia is convinced she’s in labor, at one point inserts the BP cuff into her vagina (no idea how that thought process went) and ‘delivered’ it. We gave her a doll and she was satisfied.”
  • “Small elderly woman tried to go to the bathroom in a trash can and got stuck.”
  • “Patient ripped down half the ceiling and asked the manager if she was going to pay him to fix it.”
  • “Patient called hospital operator to see if she had his glass eye.”
  • “Patient with a vibrating ink pen claimed they ‘accidentally’ sat on it while it was stuck between couch cushions (into rectum). The pen was still vibrating in the X-ray film.”
  • “Patient in seclusion ripped all the stuffing out of the mattress, climbed inside the hollow mattress and said he was a taco (psych).”
  • “Confused retired cop was grabbing at my pockets. When I asked what he was doing, he said he was checking me for weapons.”
  • “Eating a Big Mac right after a radical open colon resection when she was NPO, the wound open with Big Mac coming out and she says she didn’t eat anything.”
  • “A dementia patient walked around on nights stealing peoples’ dentures and we couldn’t identify all of them.”
  • “I found a man drinking from his urinal, and when I tried to stop him he said, ‘You told me to drink more fluids!’”
  • “An elderly woman shared how she lost her virginity.”
  • “One time I was triaging a patient who complained of a cough. Of course, you ask how long? Anybody else have a cough? Fever? Chills? etc. so she proceeds to tell how she was walking on the beach and saw a beached dolphin. She ran up to it and began to give it CPR. She said it didn’t work (no kidding) but when she was done she realized the dolphin had slim in its mouth and she believes the dolphin gave her pneumonia.”
  • “90-year-old pt, retired MD, blind, had a Dobhoff tube with feeds for failure to thrive. Accidentally pulled it out while adjusting it (refused all help offered). Went to get supplies to reinsert and pt had put it back in himself AND it was confirmed post-pyloric on x-ray.”
  • “Pt stuck a small size basketball up his butt and then brought in another one to give us an example of what was up there.”
  • “A man pulled out his fistula needle during dialysis; blood went everywhere like a crime scene. All he said was, ‘Whoo hoo, lady, I’m bleeding over here.’ He was just watching it fly!”
  • “Pt didn’t like what was on his lunch tray, so he emptied his colostomy onto the plates and handed out back to the sweet hospitality lady.”
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